Stereotypical Beings of the Gym

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a while. Every time I go to the gym, I realize how everyone at the gym fits into a stereotype. A hilarious stereotype for sure. Now read on and you will soon become acquainted with your fellow work out buddies...

The number one stereotype for sure is Mr. Testosterone. The guy who wears a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, so everyone can notice his overly-sized arms, all the while drinking a protein shake and sweating up a storm. You rarely see this guy working out. Most of the time he is spotted at the gym, he is making his rounds around the weight room checking out his competition. God forbid a female walk by, because Mr. Testosterone compares the gym to a Friday night bar. Ladies beware: if you happen to meander past Mr. Testosterone, be prepared for a complete check-out. This is the only time you will see Mr. Testosterone work out: at the sight of a female. He quickly picks up a weight and pretends that those overly sized arms are good for something. Note to Mr. Testosterone: the gym is not a heavyweight contest nor a mating ground. Please keep your boner and protein shake to yourself. Thank you..

Next up is awkward anorexic girl. You arrive at the gym, and she's already working out. You leave the gym, she's still working out. She's about as thin as one of your legs and extremely pale. She's also constantly doing cardio. Treadmill, Spinning, Eliptical, you name it, she's on it. She also thinks she has the right to wear extremely skimpy outfits. Note to awkward anorexic girl: unless you're ripped like Serena Williams, please don't think you can rock a sports bra. You don't have abs, you have ribs, and your ribs make me feel uncomfortable. Go home and eat a sandwich.

8 Month Pregnant Woman
Excuse me? Are you fuckin kidding me? This pregnant biddy is about to pop a kid out and she's showing me up on exercising. Again, please go home and wait for your water to break. The last thing I want to see at the gym is a crowning baby, so do us all a favor and take advantage of bed rest.
Hyperventilating Guy
This guy is slightly overweight, and does minimal amount of exercise in the gym, yet acts like he's climbing to the top of Mount Everest. His definition of "abs" is raising his neck every second while breathing like an asthmatic red head. He does sprints on the treadmill because running long term is out of the question. Think of this guy as your gym's teddy bear. Like Patrick the Dog in F.A.O. Schwartz. He's huge, cute, and fluffy, but at the end of the day, the only thing he's going to accomplish is laying on the floor for a considerable amount of time.
Obnoxious girl on Cell Phone

Okay, so I recently just got a smart phone and realize they are awesome and way versatile. I may answer a phone call once in a while but I'm not gonna have a fuckin hour long conversation. Note to obnoxious girl on cell phone: do you know how annoying it is to work out next to someone blabbing on. VERY. JUST STOP. And also, most of the time I see you guys, you aren't even working out. You're walking around the gym looking for Mr. Testosterone. Mr. Testosterone and Obnoxious Girl on Phone are a match made in heaven. They both make rounds to find each other, but either is too dumb to realize they're perfect for each other.


Thanks for reading! Give me your thoughts and let me know if you think of any other "GYM STEREOTYPES..."